It’s cathartic therapy this. If you don’t want to read my whining then skip to the mix.
If you know anything about me, have listened to podcasts such as the Bassagenda one, you’ll know that I suffer a bit with my mood. Today I realised that it seems to happen at certain times of the year, last year was the same. Why? Air pressure? Lay lines? Trump? Co2 shortages? There is absolutely no reason for this.
It’s very strange how you can go from happily presenting to lots of people one month and enjoying it, to being scared of your own shadow the next. What can you do? There’s no reasoning that makes any sense.
It’s interesting how it manifests itself in me though. I worry a lot about how I present to people. If I was to meet you, I’ll either be someone you cant shut up and positive about everything, or the complete opposite, moaning about people, things and finding conversation hard work. I worry that I do more of the latter, which I would do now, because I’m in that mode so struggle to see the positives. People tend to think I’m a cunt, unless they really know me.
If people know me, they’ll know that Im a staunch liberal and stand true to my values. However, although not new, these values have become solidified through learning.
I used to aspire to be a tradesman but developed an interest in societies problems when working on estates locally. I’m very much working class, my folks even more so. For them, the idea that you could influence such is completely out there, after all, its them who do this to us and we cant influence that. So I did a degree, via having to do the whole L2 maths and english thing again (which was interesting cos I’d only ever sat on a toolbox reading the Mirror for years and couldn’t write a grammatical paragraph when they tested me). I was the first in family to get a degree and did so at 31. I did this with the idea that I could give something back to my community somehow, it was never careering. That was the goal. Because I have values.
Now, after much fucking about, such as working in education in prisons, I’ve got a position where I can influence things locally and have done. From old people being discharged from hospital to the homeless trying to register with a GP, pushing things like social prescribing . . . I’ve been in the mix locally. There’s so much stuff.
Anyway, I’m worried about what people think of me. So, I’ve upped the prozac and bashed a mix out.